i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
