he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
