You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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