is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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