My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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