TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
