Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
