he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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