I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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