and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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