someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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