i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
