I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
How's work?
Spinning.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
