After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
