Nicole vs. Life
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
