I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
did you just send me my own nude
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
