if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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