I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
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The best revenge is premature balding
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
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I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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