u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
