I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
