allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
