either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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