These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
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