I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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