Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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