Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
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