Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize