respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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