What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
