You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
