Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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