The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
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I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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