I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
