We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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