I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
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No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
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I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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