the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
