I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
