this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
