and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Is Oprah even human
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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