I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
