I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
