Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
