Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
