You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I wish I only lived at night.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
