Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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