hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
