return my video game
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
