i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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