I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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