Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
