operation harelip BJ is a go
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
my poor anus
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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