im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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