Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
