So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
