I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
