So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
