I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
