Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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