Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
