He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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