i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The adults are the big ones right?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
