And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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