I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
