it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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