You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He passed out mid-signature
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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