The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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