I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
