im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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